11 Things I really love about Japan

Now that I’m warmed up, herewith are some of the many things I love about Japan.

1. Vending machines with hot and cold liquids. Pretty much wherever you go, you can buy a can of hot coffee (which makes a very good hand warmer in the winter) or cold tea, coffee, soda, or any number of mystery drinks – out of the same machine. In the winter, there are more hot drinks than cold ones. In the summer, it’s the opposite. It’s amazing! They also sell this stuff called Calpis, but for export markets they changed the name to Calpico, presumably after someone told them that their beverage sounded like cow piss in English. Here in Japan, it’s still Calpis. Who’s gonna know? Oh, vending machines also sell this stuff they call “genki” drinks. Genki is one of those hard to translate words that means healthy, cheerful, and full of vigor. If you’re feeling logy, these genki drinks are supposed to pep you up. And no wonder, after a time I discovered that the two main ingredients are caffeine and nicotine. So you’re genki until you have a coronary.

Ah, vending machines. The blue items are cold and the red items are hot. How civilized!

Ah, vending machines. The blue items are cold and the red items are hot. How civilized! (I confess I resisted trying “Green Shower” tea on the top row, which sounds like it’s marketed to fetishists.

2. Google maps. They work like a charm. This is particularly important because they really don’t have street addresses in Japan. Your mail is sent to the third block of the third sector of the such and such neighborhood of your city. When we used to take a cab home from the train station, we’d tell the driver to take us to the street next to the noodle shop near the Fukudaya department store and he knew exactly what we meant. Here in Japan, Google Maps also works perfectly with the public transit systems, unlike, say Melbourne. You can find out when the bus or train comes, what the best connections are, and how much it costs. Japanese buses used to be mystery vehicles, but with Google Maps they make perfect sense. This is huge.

3. The Nishiki market in Kyoto – this may be the best food market in the world. The food is, well, perfect, and they have pretty much every good thing that the region has to offer. More than that, though, they encourage you to sample everything, they don’t seem to mind if you take pictures, and they don’t vibe you if you don’t buy anything. You could have an excellent free lunch here.

Some of the wonders on display at the Nishiki Market in Kyoto.

Some of the wonders on display at the Nishiki Market in Kyoto.

4. Similarly, the Tsukiji wholesale fish market in Tokyo just has to be seen. We lived in Japan for two years and visited Tokyo a dozen times and never got our act together to see Tsukiji, which will leave its funky digs in 2016 for a modern operation in the suburbs, much like the Fulton Fish Market did a few years ago. Tsukiji is the central trading post for Japan’s fish industry and it’s a wonder to behold. Apart from the famous early morning tuna auction, it moves more than half a million metric tons of fish a year and it said to be the biggest fish market in the world. And this is no tourist show. We stood and watched two guys butcher two massive tunas that the fish monger told me were worth between three and four thousand dollars each.

Two guys butchering a pair of $4,000 tunas at the Tsukiji Fish Market in Tokyo.

Two guys butchering a pair of $4,000 tunas at the Tsukiji Fish Market in Tokyo.

After gawking at all the fish, we wandered to the outer market, where there are food stalls and cookware shops. We tucked into a sashimi breakfast and I finally bought the chef’s knife of my dreams. The owner of the shop had my initials engraved in the handle, which made me tingly all over.

5. As you may have already figured out, the food is amazing almost wherever you go, and it’s not as difficult as you may think to figure out what to eat. Many places just present a plastic version of their menu in the window or a menu full of photographs, kind of like at Denny’s, except good. All you have to do is take the waitstaff outside and point at what you want. If they don’t have plastic food, just ask them what’s good and they’ll steer you in the right direction and they won’t sell you the most expensive thing – they’re crazy honest. Oh, and no tipping! I mean it. They’ll chase you down the street if you leave extra money on the table, or so I’m told.

6. Did I mention that people are honest here? The other day, as I was making my way up to Utsunomiya, the town we used to live in, the train stopped and everyone got out. Disoriented, I grabbed my shopping bag full of gifts for our old friends and scampered off the train. Another train pulled up to complete the journey, and just as I was about to board I realized that I had left my ipad on the last train. (Just writing this has produced a cold sweat.) Frantic, I had the presence of mind not to get on the train, and instead I ran upstairs to the ticket window, where I was told to check with someone back on the track I had just come from. By this time I’m beginning to leak bodily fluids (how sad that we become so attached to our technology, but whatever), and I spied a metal building that said, helpfully and incongruously, “lost and found” in English. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer, so I knocked again. And again. After what seemed like several minutes, but which was probably only thirty seconds or so, the door opened and I explained that I had left something on the train. The fellow asked me what it was and I said that it was an ipad. “Oh, he said. Here you go,” and he handed it over. Just like that. I resisted the temptation to hug him.

7. 7/11 in Japan is a great restaurant. You can get any number of dangerously yummy things at the 7/11 for a couple of bucks. There are rice balls stuffed with salmon, sour plums, and any number of other things (Although the packages are usually written in Japanese, natch, so from time to time we get a surprise). That reminds me of the time that I made a miso and jelly sandwich for lunch because I thought I’d bought peanut butter. Oops.) The 7/11 sells a divine carrot and burdock root salad, a dizzying array of pickles, sushi, steamed Chinese pork buns, a salty, umami bomb soup of root vegetables called oden, and all manner of beer and wine. You can also get a pair of gloves for $2.40 and an umbrella for 80 cents. It’s heaven on a street corner. And who says Japan is expensive??

Some of the delectable delights at 7/11.

Some of the delectable delights at 7/11.

8. Japan has now joined the modern world of banking. You can now use your ATM card to get money at the post office or the 7/11. In the old days, I think there was one branch of Citibank in Tokyo that would give you money from a U.S. account. If you traveled here and you didn’t bring cash or traveler’s checks (remember them?), you had to go to a bank and do a bank withdrawal from a credit card. Not only that, but the ATMs used to close for evenings and weekends! When we lived here, we had a Japanese bank account, but once had to hitchhike down a mountain because we ran out of money and all the ATMs were closed for the weekend. No lie.

9. The taxi drivers wear coats, ties, and white gloves. They drive with precision and care. As I said, they know where they’re going. They have a gizmo that allows them to open and close the passenger door automatically. The cabs are neat and clean and comfortable. Amazingly, the taxi rate has not changed in the twenty years we’ve been away, although it was expensive then and it’s expensive now.

10. I like bowing. It’s fun. It shows that you care. I suppose it’s just second nature – people even bow when they’re talking on the phone. Gas station attendants will run out into the street to stop traffic when you leave the station and they will bow as you go. If two cars come to an intersection at the same time and one cars yields to the other, the driver who received the courtesy will bow to the other. In his car. In what country have you ever seen car bowing? When the department stores open in the morning, an army of clerks dressed like the cast of the tv series Pan Am with neat little skirts and pill box hats line the entrance and bow in unison.

11. It’s actually a pretty easy country to visit. Janine has said that Japan may be the most accessible really, really foreign place you can think of, and I agree. People are almost always friendly and helpful, even if they don’t speak much English (and they usually don’t). One evening we even ventured into the district in Shinjuku called Golden Gai, where there are several hundred tiny little bars (some have as few as six stools). These little places are scary because they seem so intimate and unapproachable, but we thought it was worth a shot. We were in search of a quintessentially Japanese drinking experience, and what we got was a hole in the wall joint off a skinny little alley run by a friendly woman who greeted us warmly and showed Japanese professional wrestling videos all night. It was impossible to avert the eyes.

And so there you have it, friends. This was by no means an exhaustive list of things I love about Japan, just eleven that came to mind. We say farewell to Japan reluctantly. As often happens, we quickly discovered that we didn’t have nearly enough time to do the place justice, even though we’d already spent two years here. Every moment in Japan seemed full of wonder, good food, and something ridiculously foreign, even though we actually sort of understand the place.

If you haven’t been, go. You certainly won’t forget it.

Fat penguins, getting licked by a joey and a perfect meal – more glories from Melbourne.

Our visit to Australia was admittedly minimalist. We took a country that is almost 8 million square miles and reduced it to the 550 miles from Sydney to Melbourne. How dare we?

Yes, we saw a few kangaroos on our little road trip, but where were the cuddly koalas? What about the cute little joeys? We needed to add more authentic Australian wildlife to our itinerary. And while we’re at it, why not throw in some waddly little penguins for good measure?

Why do we love penguins so much? Is it the funny walk? The tuxedo? Their excellent performance in Madagascar? I can’t say for sure, but penguins sure are fun.

They’re also very reliable. Every night at sundown, the penguins of Phillip Island, which is about a two hour drive from Melbourne (driven with amazing good humor by our friend David Morley, who, with his wife Trish, made sure that we felt very welcome in Melbourne), put on a performance that is hard to beat. They emerge from the ocean in groups of twenty or so, mill about on the beach for five or ten minutes, and then waddle off to their burrows, which can be quite a distance away. There are around a thousand penguins in the colony there, and on any given night you can expect at least half of them to come ashore, wave by wave, like the Allied landing at Anzio.

Penguin invasion at Phillip Island

Penguin invasion at Phillip Island (taken off a postcard, since you’re not allowed to take pictures :))

At this time of year the penguins are molting – they drop their feathers and grow new ones. Once they drop their old feathers, which provide the waterproofing they need to survive in the water, they have to stay on land for a few weeks until the new ones grow in. As a result, at this time of year penguins stuff themselves so full of fish that they can barely walk. It seems, well, unseemly, to laugh at fat penguins, but it’s hard not to. Some waddle up onto shore and then promptly fall over like bowling pins. Others will take a few steps, stop, and maybe take a quick nap before continuing on their way. Some are so fat that they have to swivel their hips to achieve forward locomotion. Watching this goofy march of the penguins has to rank up there with some of my most memorable moments in wildlife.

I also got to cuddle a joey. On the way to Phillip Island, we stopped at a small wildlife sanctuary – well, kind of a petting zoo –where Janine got to pet a koala and I got to hold a baby kangaroo named William.

Janine with a kuddly koala.

Janine with a kuddly koala.

I am ever so slightly ambivalent about letting animals that should be wild get too close to humans, but I also see the educational value, especially for kids, in this approach. Anyway, little William settled into my arms for a good long snuggle. At one point he even started absent mindedly licking my finger. Now I can say I watched engorged penguins collapse on a beach and I had my finger licked by a little baby kangaroo. Viva Australia!

Little William licking my finger.

Little William licking my finger.

And now on to the gluttony portion of our program.

Before all these zany wildlife encounters, we did our best to seek out one of those gastronomic meccas that seem to dot the city. It was one of those days when the malaise had set in. We were sitting around staring at each other without the will to do much of anything. We didn’t know where to eat or how to get there. This may sound really silly in the internet age, but I’m here to tell you that it happens. Then I summoned something from deep within, hearing the faint whispers of that inspiring inner voice telling me that there’s pork belly just over the horizon with our name on it. Someone is emulsifying or sous vide-ing just for us. There are microgreens picked by monks drizzled with olive oil pressed with stones quarried from Roman ruins and rowed across the sea by Vikings. It was all out there waiting for us. We just had to lift ourselves off the couch and find it.

And find it we did, in the hipster neighborhood of Fitzroy, which once was known for mayhem and prostitution, but which is now where some of the city’s best food is found.

The Mission or Melbourne? Hipster Fitzroy.

The Mission or Melbourne? Hipster Fitzroy.

After cross referencing about three different tram maps, I figured out how to get out there. (By the way, for all its charms, Melbourne’s transit system is deeply inscrutable. It’s unclear where to buy transit cards, they charge you six bucks for the card and then you have to top it up with value, it’s mystifying when you have to tap on and tap off, and the tram maps are really lousy. And a single ride is $3.75. Bleeeccchhhh.) No matter. We arrived at a place called Saint Crispen, which brought to mind that great Henry V soliloquy (“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers…”), and very soon we knew we’d hit the yummy jackpot. We were seated at the counter and we watched the chef work the pass, checking each dish with the precision of a Swiss diamond cutter mixed with the passion of an opera singer to make sure it was just right. This was going to be good.

We started with a salad of perfect local tomatoes and lightly pickled pressed watermelon, accompanied by olives and feta cheese. This was followed by an appetizer of kangaroo tartare and thinly sliced plums, which were almost the same color as the deep red kangaroo loin. Yep, we have now not just eaten kangaroo, we’ve eaten it raw, and it was delicious. We then had crispy chicken with buttermilk foam, served with one of those science project sous vide eggs that oozes its yolk just right, and the whole affair was topped with a bit of crunchy popcorn. I know, sous vide and popcorn, how precious, but it was really, really good. The main event was roasted pork belly with really crispy slightly sticky skin sitting on a little pool of pureed burnt carrot with some orange and miso tossed in for good measure. Each dish was elegant, perfectly seasoned, and beautifully presented, and the meal moved right into one of our top five of the trip.

The next day we were taken on yet another graciously offered field trip. This time we went to a farmer’s market set on the grounds of a former convent in the suburb of Abbotsford.

Comically beautiful carrots at the Abbotsford farmer's market.

Comically beautiful carrots at the Abbotsford farmer’s market.

Our host, Loretta, is the cousin of my friend (and faithful reader) Marty, and, as with the Morleys, I was reminded how wonderful it is to see a place through a local’s eyes. We feel a bit sheepish about taking up people’s valuable time, but at the same time we’ve met so many really lovely people, like Loretta and her friend Frederica, that it assuages our guilt at least a bit.

I do hope we’ll have a chance to return the many favors before too long.

Next: A homecoming, of sorts, to Japan.

Can Melbourne Live Up to the Hype?

Expectations can be a real pain in the bottom. We loved Sydney, but we just kept hearing about Melbourne. “If you like Sydney, you’ll love Melbourne.” “Melbourne is the San Francisco to Sydney’s LA.” “Just wait ‘til you get to Melbourne.” Melbourne, Melbourne, Melbourne! Can a city possibly live up to such hype? Um, yeah.

After our night in the cheesy motel in Lakes Entrance, Victoria, Janine and I decided that we had done the coast between Sydney and Melbourne sufficient justice and made a push for the big city a day ahead of schedule. We like trees and birds and even beaches as much as the next folks, but it was time for some pavement. Heck, we saw our hoppy kangaroos and had kookaburras wake us up at dawn. We bought Aussie wool mittens at a country market. I even danced briefly on a deserted beach in my birthday suit. We’d drunk the drink of the Aussie countryside, right? We could go back to the city without fear of Aussie scorn, couldn’t we?

Well, whether we were chickening out of one more day of nature or not, we were ready to take on the World’s Most Livable City for the fourth year running, according to the Economist. We had high hopes, which can be dangerous. We had rented what seemed like a great apartment in the central business district, but the instructions to get the key sounded like something out of John le Carre. We had to go to a convenience store several blocks away and plug a combination into a lockbox on the wall. That would produce a set of keys that would get us into our building, but there was another lockbox inside the building that would produce another set of keys. For heaven’s sakes. At least we didn’t have to find a guy named Louie the Cheese and whisper a password to him.

Once we finally got there, the apartment was just great. It’s in a converted office building and has high ceilings and polished concrete floors and I could live in a place like this and be pretty happy. We dropped off our rental car and were finally free from driving for the foreseeable future (if you count South Africa and New Zealand, we have logged several thousand miles in the past month). We crossed the street and stared up at a Malaysian street food shop and I remembered why I love cities so much. Like Sydney, Melbourne is a greatest hits of Asian food – there are ramen shops and Shanghai soup dumpling shops, Korean barbeque and sushi bars, and heaven knows what else. It all looks amazingly good and it kills me that we don’t have more time to eat our way across the city. The Malaysian place made me weep tears of joy and spice. I had a pork noodle soup and Janine had roasted chicken and rice and oh my sweet bejesus do I love stuff like that. I love food that’s spicy, tangy, salty, and sour, and I especially love it when it’s cheap. On another occasion we wandered into a nondescript Chinese place and had some of the best dumplings I’ve ever had.

After staggering out of the Malaysian joint we eventually looked up and noticed gorgeous, ornate buildings all over the place. By design or luck, Melbourne has managed to keep from knocking down many of its architectural gems, which look like something out of Mary Poppins. Janine is especially fond of the architecture, and I joke that walking down the street with her is like walking our dog, who stops every ten feet. Fortunately, Janine just stops to take pictures.

One of many cool old buildings in Melbourne. (Photo courtesy of my lovely wife)

One of many cool old buildings in Melbourne. (Photo courtesy of my lovely wife)

This sums up Melbourne perfectly - a woman with a red Mohawk pushes a stroller with a child in a princess dress.

This sums up Melbourne perfectly – a woman with a red Mohawk pushes a stroller with a child in a princess dress.

We only have a few days left in Australia and then we’ll be off to non-English speaking places for the next few months, so we’re trying to grab as much culture that we can understand as we can. Our first stop was a good old-fashioned Broadway musical. (Mind you, it would probably be at least as much fun, if not more, to see a Broadway musical in Japanese or Hungarian, but still.) As luck would have it, Sweet Charity, which we’ve never seen, was playing, so we bought tickets for a Thursday matinee. I should have known that the audience would be on the mature side. In New York, the Wednesday matinee is famous for the blue rinse set, who are seemingly bused in from nursing homes and funeral parlors from across the tri-state area. I remember when I did the National Tour of On Golden Pond, and we moved from Boston, which is a great theatre town, to Fort Lauderdale, where every show feels like a Wednesday matinee. The audiences just wouldn’t laugh. The joke was that if they laughed they’d cough, and coughing could be fatal, so they wouldn’t laugh. This audience was slightly better than that, but they were still a bit subdued. The lead, a woman named Verity Hunt-Ballard, was a true triple threat. The production was the sort of slimmed-down regional tour, with a smallish ensemble and a band on the stage, that makes me pine for the great big Broadway spectaculars, but you can’t have it all. The show itself, about a New York taxi dancer with a heart of gold who can’t seem to find love, is actually quite depressing. No matter, the cast was energetic, Verity was very vivacious, and I amused myself listening to the Noooo Yaaaawwwkkk accents and observing the audience try not to cough.

Our other big cultural event was taking in an outdoor movie in the Botanic Garden. Apparently, outdoor movies are a thing here, and I can see why. We rented bean bag couches, from which we were able to order drinks and food, and we watched Inherent Vice, the truly weird PT Anderson film starring Joaquin Phoenix, on a big inflatable screen while bats the size of small dogs circled overhead in the Melbourne dusk. It was atmospheric, cultural, and there was even a smattering of nature tossed in for good measure. What fun!

Waiting for the weird Joaquin Phoenix movie to start.

Waiting for the weird Joaquin Phoenix movie to start.

Next time: A spectacular meal, a hipster neighborhood, a delicious convent, and maybe a penguin and a cuddly koala or two.